The Ins && Outs of Life During the First Trimester

This is my raw account of experiencing life as a first time mommy-to-be.

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When you find out you are expecting ((especially your first)), your brain && your body become so overwhelmed, you don’t even know where to begin.  You’re happy, ecstatic, surprised, terrified, excited, scared, curious, and ready to tell the whole world. However, you are kind of alone in the beginning and don’t get to share those feelings with many people.  The doctor won’t see you until at least 8 weeks, but if you are like me, you just have to talk to someone, ANYONE, and ask them all your wondering questions.  But you don’t want to tell just everyone, so who do you talk to?

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Being we found out just after Thanksgiving, I wanted to tell our parents as a Christmas present, which meant having to wait an entire month to talk to my mommy. Hardest month of my life. So the next best thing was to tell a friend who just happened to give birth to her first baby only a couple months before.  She was awesome, and relieved a lot of my “first finding out jitters”.  Then slowly, but surely {{because I cannot keep a secret}} I told some colleagues at work, and each week someone else would find out.  Before you know it, it’s like the entire school building knows.  And when you do finally talk to people, it is only natural that everyone wants to share their experiences && opinions, whether they are things you want to hear downloador not.  The most important thing to remember is that everyone is different. No pregnancy will ever be the same.  But rest assured knowing that we are made to do this.  Our bodies are an incredible machine that, unfortunately just do not come with an operating manual.  🙂

So back to the ins and outs, shall we?  When you go for your first appointment, everything becomes real.  You finally get to see that beautiful little teddy bear, and hear their wicked fast heart beat that sounds like a washing machine that’s been filled too full.  A sense of relief washes over you, and you can finally relax. You no longer feel the need to take a million pregnancy tests to make sure you are still pregnant.  ((I’m guilty of this!))  How many did you take before seeing the doctor?

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That moment of calmness doesn’t last for very long though.  Once they give you the good news, they take you down a completely different path, full of scary information and a lot of negative words you do not want to hear as a parent.  I know they have to share all of that info with you, but it is really hard to hear and walk away from.  They throw the word “miscarriage” around like it’s something that is bound to happen, and warn you not to tell anyone until the second trimester. Then they throw a million tests at you that will be completed along the nine month journey, most involving disabilities and potential risks to the baby.  Being a special education teacher, I often wondered if God would bless me with a baby with special needs.

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Then you get the call with your blood test results and you feel like the whole world is crashing down around you.  The doctor rattles off abbreviations at you like you speak their language.  They tell you that you have to see a geneticist and your child’s fate lies in the results of your husband’s blood test. —-> This part of my journey is hard to share, but I feel it is important, because I don’t want to sugar coat anything.  This is my raw and honest account of my pregnancy, so telling it all will hopefully help another mommy-to-be cope and let them know they are not alone.  —->Apparently, I am carrier for a pretty life threatening gene, for a disability known as Skeletal Muscle Atrophy. And if my baby was born with it, they would most likely not survive.  😦  When the doctor called to tell me this news, I broke down, and broke down hard.  I didn’t even know what SMA meant, and she never explained it to me either.  She just said she had to let me know, incase I wanted to abort the pregnancy.  ABORT my pregnancy??? You have to be crazy to think that was even an option!  I cried and cried, and felt so helpless.  I googled the disability and only broke down even more. I just  kept saying it was my fault.  Luckily, I have a husband who knows how to deal with me,  and a God who loves me and I managed to pull myself together.  Chris just continued to reassure me that there was no need to get upset yet, we didn’t know if the baby had the disability.  It all depended on if he was a carrier of the gene as well.

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We had to wait for what seemed like forever to go to the geneticist, which was at my thirteen week ultrasound, and just our luck, she couldn’t make it due to the snowstorm we had over the weekend.  But the ladies at the office that day knew the unknown was eating me alive, so they took Chris’ blood, and sent it out to be tested for the gene.   A week later we got the call…..ANDDDDD he is not a carrier! I cried like a baby all over again. God is amazing.  I just prayed and prayed for him to watch over my baby and to take all my worries away.  I have never been so relieved to get good news in my life.  Everything is good, the world is right again. I could go back to enjoying my pregnancy and being completely, utterly excited about this precious little life inside of me.

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The ultrasound went great!  She said the measurements were perfect and everything looked good.  My little peanut had so much life inside of them and displayed their tiny little personality in the cutest way.  I share this personal side of my pregnancy to let women know that it is scary, and it does seem impossible to be happy during the first trimester.  With all the new technology and advances in medicine, sometimes we know too much, and that takes away from the joy of becoming a mommy.

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Soak it all up.  The good && the bad.  Pray. Trust the process.  We were put on this Earth to conquer the biggest job in the world.  Our bodies know what to do, and they will tell you EVERYTHING. You just need to listen. Speak with your baby and sing to them. Take the information the doctors have to give you, but don’t let it consume you.  Focus on the joy that little life brings.  Communicate.  Avoid searching the internet for anything. Read books. Continue to do what you love (hobbies, activities, interests). Make your own decisions. Splurge a little. Love every moment, even the tough ones. ❤

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As I write this, and look back on the past three months, it’s crazy to think how much you go through mentally, physically, and emotionally.  It hasn’t been as easy as I expected.  But I would not change a thing.  I have high hopes for the second trimester, and cannot wait to feel this little one move around inside of me.

imagesTanya

 

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