Minus the alcoholic beverage, this picture just about sums up my life. Add some laundry, baby spit up, some colicky tendencies, and postpartum high blood pressure issues && you just might understand what it is like becoming a mom. MAYBE….
Now I am fully aware that no two stories are the same, but from the outpouring of love && support from my family//friends, and social media gurus, I am learning that more times than none, we have all experienced the same things when becoming mamas. I guess the parts that make it different fall on a more emotional level &&how we handle things mentally.
Pre Clayton days, I was this crazy independent women ((still am)), always on the go, striving for more. I would do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Maybe it was because of my childhood upbringing, or the fast paced world we live in, but either way, I would jump at any opportunity regardless of the outcomes. I depended on no one. What I had, I earned. What I wanted, I worked my ass off for. I was emotionally strong, because I had to be. I built walls around me. No one or nothing could hurt me ((anymore)).
After Clayton, those emotions began to break down. I found myself vulnerable again. When he cried, I cried. When he was in pain, I was in pain. When he was happy, I was happy ((&& still cried)). His being; his little life, stripped me raw. I am emotional in every sense of the way. I fear like I’ve never feared. I call my pediatrician like they are my own personal help. I get stressed much faster and much easier. I feel like I get nothing accomplished && struggle to find the time to eat. I used to be so scheduled about everything in life. NOW, a schedule? What is that anyways? Is it Monday? What month are we even in? The days fly by in a blink of an eye && yet sometimes I feel like they aren’t moving at all.
BUT he has taught me how to feel love much deeper, hope much stronger && believe much harder. I went from being Miss Independent to Miss Depended On. I am forever a mom first. I am forever loved by this sweet boy. I am forever changed. I am forever blessed. Because he is everything I’ve ever wanted && more, that makes any feeling I experience so worth it. ❤
No matter how we handle becoming a mother, we all experience what it means to love a child unconditionally, no strings attached. We all become a Miss Depended On && I know I wouldn’t have it any other way.