Spring4PrAna Goodness

I don’t know if you remember back in the September when I did a review for PrAna’s fall style. BUT I was lucky enough to get a chance to review their Spring collection, too. I’ve got nothing but amazing things to say. I was in love then, and I am still head over heels in love with their stuff now. The spring collection is so versatile and fits my style to a T. πŸ€— 

The Lizbeth skirt pictured above is a piece you’ll want to wear EVERYDAY! It’s made from soft hemp and recycled polyester. It’s easily dressed up or down and comes in three colors. It’s also easily adapted to the cold//winter weather, because here, we got a tease of spring warmth, but now it’s back to the cold temperatures. So I actually wore this outfit with knee high socks and boots!πŸ‘Œ

This was another way I wore the skirt out to breakfast with some friends! I love me some Chuck’s && making outfits fun with accessories and bold statements!😍

The other piece I chose was the Berry Dress. Talk about comfortable. It’s not at all what I thought it was going to feel like. It’s even better. It’s so soft and stretchy, with the perfect sinch at the waistline. It makes me feel beautiful, but oh so comfy. Like, I don’t rush home to change into my pajamas comfy.πŸ™Œ I literally live in this dress! It’s perfect for teaching, going to church, and out to eat with the family, and I find myself hanging out in it at home. It’s every Moms new best friend and must have. It will make you feel like you’re in your leggings and sweatshirt, but you actually look presentable and put together, because isn’t that the last thing we want to think about now. Between feedings, diaper changes and playing on the floor, this dress makes it work.πŸ’—

If you aren’t one to dress up, or are more into athletic wear, they have so many cute leggings and workout tops. There is something to love for everyone. Be sure to follow them on Instagram and Facebook. And as a gift to you from Prana and myself, use code S4P17TCR for 15% off your purchase!!πŸ’—


Every Moms Worst Nightmare

The abundance of prayers, love, comments, and overall concern for my sweet boy are so positively overwhelming to my heart. πŸ€—πŸ’—I am so thankful to everyone who has reached out and offered help in different ways. Thank you, thank you. I wish I could thank you all individually.😍

Because I’ve been asked more times then I’d like to keep rewriting, I figured I’d share our scary story in a post.

Since going back to work, the new foods shenanigans has slowed down, because we only try new ones on the weekend when we are home and he is in the care of us. This morning we decided it was time to try eggs, because well, they are in everything and I have been dreading them for weeks. I knew he was going to react, I just wasn’t expecting it to be like it did. I’ll get into that later. 

Let’s see, we tried them around 7:00. I was shocked he liked them and that he didn’t get a rash around his face ((this is what has happened for so many other foods we’ve tried, almost instantly)). And I felt relieved, like phew, he didn’t react. But on our way to change his diaper for nap, he threw up. At the time I didn’t question it too much because he spits up a lot. He went down, and was only asleep for maybe 10 minutes when he woke up and there was blood on the bed. I started to panic, but saw that he had scratched his ear open. As I was cleaning his ear and trying to stop the bleeding, he had diahrea. Well man did it go downhill fast from here. Opened his diaper up to find his entire bottom, pelvis, groin, penis, all of it RED, I’m talking enflamed and hivey and oh so yucky. He was clearly uncomfortable too, because he was scratching everything, and in those few seconds it moved to his stomach and face and I knew immediately I needed to go to the ER. I put shoes on untied, literally scrambled to get him in the carseat, and grabbed his diaper bag. The car ride there felt like an eternity. We live like 10 minutes from the hospital, but it seemed like it took an hour to get there. The whole time I’m holding his hands from scratching and making sure he was still breathing. I kept praying I wouldn’t get pulled over, or that anything would happen to him. Y’all I don’t know how I did it. I have severe anxiety and I can’t believe I didn’t go into some sort of shock myself. We arrived around 8:30.

Anyways, when I got there, I ran in like a scene from a movie basically screaming someone help my baby he’s having an allegic reaction. And when I went to get him out of the carseat, his ear was so puffy I thought it was going to explode or pop off. No exaggeration!! And then I really started to panic. I’ve never seen something like it in my life. I didn’t even know our bodies could get so enflamed and swollen.The photo doesn’t even show it at its worse. πŸ™

As much as it felt like he wasn’t being taken care of fast enough, the staff did an amazing job. They checked his breathing and lungs like every minute until he was given the medicine. They didn’t leave my side until my husband was able to get there and join me. They assured me that he was having a severe reaction, but that he should be okay. By 9:00, they gave him a shot of part of an epi pen, a shot of benedryl, and a steroid. I was expecting it to help him right away, just like that, but my goodness, he did not start coming down from all the redness, hives and swelling for a good two hours. And then from there he wasn’t even half way better until about four hours after.

The blotches show where he was getting better. But my poor boy was literally one big swollen, red balloon. And you didn’t even realize it until he started to come down from the mess. But through it all, he was a trooper.

By 4:00 he was mostly back to himself. He still has the rash on his back, but everywhere else seems to have gone away. We were told he could have the rash for up to a week. He has to be monitored closely for the next 48 hours, take benedryl every 6 hours, for the next 48 hours, or 24 hours after all the symptoms have gone away. And he’s on a steroid for 4 days. I have prayed and thanked the good Lord that it never affected his airway and that he seems to be okay now. 

If I wasn’t terrified about new foods before, I sure am now. But let’s be real, I’ve been scared of foods from day one. He’s reacted to blueberries, peanut butter, and yogurt too, but only ever had a slight rash around his mouth. We were told by the doctor it wasn’t an allergic reaction. I always felt otherwise. Well today was a whole new ball game, one I never want to play again. I know this road for us isn’t over, and that scares me even more, but it’s in God’s hands. He held Clayton in his arms today and protected him the best he could. I can only pray for that in the future. You never realize how scary a food allergy is until you experienced it yourself. My view of food allergies is forever changed. I hope this post sheds some light on the seriousness of food allergies and may we find a reason why it’s happening more and more often.

NJ Marathon Training–Week Five Recap

This week. My goodness this week…It challenged me. It humbled me. It exhausted me. It drained me mentally and physically. But here’s the thing about all of that, I NEVER GAVE UP, I never gave in, I never quit. 

Monday was a BIG day. I’m talking up early, before 4am early, workout without fuel or food, or dare I say coffee?! It was a workout on no sleep, because I couldn’t turn my brain off of the day to come. I anxiously laid in bed and thought of every “what if” that could possibly happen on my first day back to work, and Clayton’s first day at day care. πŸ™If you read my last post, then you already know that my anxiety was rightfully so. But anyways, this recovery ride was slow, it was painfully slow. Could I have pushed harder? Probably. But recovery workouts are important, and at this point, it was all about getting it done, because it’s all part of the plan. πŸ™Œ 

That 4am alarm is something I am not used to. Even before Clayton, I was only getting up at 5 to get ready for work, and always did my runs after school. Then hello seven month maternity leave with sleeping hours all over the place. Let’s be real… I don’t have a child who sleeps through the night. I don’t have the luxury of a set schedule with him. He is his own person, and who am I to force when he has to eat or sleep or anything. My hours of sleep rarely ever see the necessary amount to recover and function. My husband leaves for work around 5:15, and we have to leave the house around 6:15, so it’s a gamble on any given day what is going to happen. And I refuse to push my runs to the evening for a million reasons, number one being, I want every possible minute with my boy now that I don’t get to be with him all day. Sometimes he takes an evening nap, but it’s never long enough to accomplish anything, and there is an almost guaranteed chance I wouldn’t do the workout in the evening anways simply because I’m tired. 😭 But I got in an easy 40 minutes at 4am and was darn proud of myself.πŸ€—

So why am I rambling on about all of this? Not for excuses, not for pity, to just simply remind people that we are all human. What once was, may never be. But the will to push on, despite the setbacks, the new comings, the lack of sleep, the tough runs, that is what makes us stronger. I’ve got nothing for Wednesday and I’m not ashamed of it. Luckily, it was only a cross training day, but yeah….Insert a big blank photo, or maybe this, because this is what Wednesday was all about.

Tuesdsy night was one of our toughest nights yet. Talk about no sleep. I think I got a grand total of two hours. Clayton was clearly not himself, but we couldn’t figure out why. He did not have a fever. He was just clingy and whiney. He would only stop crying if he was in my arms. He would only sleep if he was in my arms. πŸ™ We somehow managed to get ourselves ready for work and school, despite my gut telling me to call out, and just take the day with him to make sure he was all right. Well sure enough, day care texted as I was on my way to get him anyways, and said he had a fever. I immediately made a doctors appointment and we were seen right away. Turns out my sweet boy was in the process of getting an ear infection. After tears from both of us all night and day, we found ourselves in bed by 7. No workouts. No yoga. Nothing but cuddles, snuggles and all the catching up we needed on the big ZzZ ZzZ’s!!😴

This was my day in a nutshell on Thursday. But I was able to get in another easy 40 on the mill, while Clayton took one of many short naps, on his sick day.

It sure is strange taking a sick day when you’ve never called out of work in almost your entire life. I’m dedicated to my jobs and maybe a little scared to miss work, but now that I’m a mama, those sick days are going to come in handy. And it was almost perfect timing too. We needed to finalize alternate care for Clayton, and his fever//sick days let us do just that. 

One of the best things about my two favorite sports is that they are you verses you. We write and rewrite the chapters of our own storybook. Before baby, I was “fast”/er, I was stronger, I was way more flexible.  I was in the best shape of my life, internally and externally. My journey post baby has been harder than I imagined. It takes more strict time management, more mental strength, more grit, more tears, more everything. But the glory of running and yoga is that it’s my journey. I can take it at my speed and my intensity, without fear of holding anyone back. 

Saturday was an easy 30- in which I did 1/3 warm up, 1/3 hill repeats, 1/3 cool down. I kept the hill repeats smaller, because I intended on making sunday’s long run all about the climb. Saturday’s weather was almost perfect. The sun was shining, the temps were cooler, but what I like and find easiest to run in. 

Sunday came earlier and faster than I liked. Clayton was up every three/four hours to eat, talk, pretend to want to be awake. He’s a riot that boy.😍 Anyways, I did not want to run, I mean not even a little, not a mile, not even a minute. I wanted to drink coffee, stay in my pajamas, and hang out with my boys. It didn’t help that my hubby was like, “so don’t go!” But I made a vow to myself that if I had to miss a run for Clayton or work or just life in general, it was not going to be my long runs. 

So off I went and spent my first mile climbing over 600 feet, only to turn up a road to take my climb even higher. It was brutal. I had my fair share of walking and even a complete stop when I finally reached the top, to catch my breath, take a picture, tie my shoe and decide how strong I really was. Because you see, I wanted to stop. I wanted to turn around and go home. It was cold. It was crazy windy, and I just climbed the biggest mountain. I kept thinking, my golly I am slow, I am tired, how the heck am I ever going to make it 80 minutes? But I kept going, one foot in front of the other. I’m pretty sure this was the most I’ve ever stopped and walked on a run before. But to my defense, and I’m trying to be gracious with myself here, I tried to run every hill that I passed. So of course I was going to struggle. I run on the treadmill all week. And let’s not talk about how hard it is to go down hill. Every part of my legs was screaming and burning. 

There’s no such thing as a bad run, only runs that are tougher than others. But those tough runs, they deserve more praise and grace than any other, for if you kept going, you did not quit, that’s the toughest challenge of all. 😍 #antiquit #justkeepgoing 

I ended the week with my lowest mileage by far, but the recovery week was just what I needed, at just the right time. //21.2 running miles && 12.2 riding// It can only go up from here. Little man starts at a new child care tomorrow, with a wonderful lady from church. So that should put my mind at ease and getting the workouts in hopefully go more smoothly.πŸ€—

A Mother’s Instincts are Never Wrong

From the moment I became pregnant, I was an anxious worrier. Well, I was one a little before becoming a mom, but it increased in intensity and sometimes inhibits my ability to enjoy things. BUT one thing about that anxiety is that my fears, worries, instincts, whatever you want to call them, are ALWAYS right.

My motto when it comes to this anxiety is BETTER SAFE THEN SORRY! And so far, I’ve never been sorry. People would laugh at me, and my friends would call me cray cray. I feel like the pediatrician has a note next to my name for every time I call, “it’s that crazy lady again!” Because I call about EVERYTHING. πŸ˜‚

But all my fears, and all my calls to the doctor were justified. I’ve always been right. You see, once we become moms, we have this intuition deep down in our gut and it is engulfed around our hearts. We just know. There’s no explanation. When I would go on runs, I’d get this feeling my baby was upset and needed me, so I’d come home and he would. I could, without fail, say when he was about to cry before it even happened. There is an incredible bond between a mother and her child.😍

So it was obviously day care week for us. There is no hiding the fact that day care is an incredibly difficult transition for moms and their children, but what makes it even more difficult is having this gut feeling that something isn’t right. You can do your research, and feel comfortable about a decision, but that doesn’t always mean it is the right one, at the right time.

God’s timing is amazingly perfect. And the way he answers prayers at the right time, for the right reasons, is no coincidence. ❀ Sunday night, before my first day back to work and Clayton’s first day at daycare, we got a call from a lady from church. A little back story: We wanted Clayton to go into her care from the beginning, but she only had part time availability. We posted an ad for care for the other two days, but none of it felt right. So, we began our search for daycares. 

Let me just say that daycares range from $700-$2000 and you most definitely get what you pay for, no doubt about it. But the really amazing ones are far too much money for a teacher’s salary. So we deligantly did our research on the ones we could afford. My doctor’s office, other moms in an area Facebook page, and word of mouth from people we know, highly recommended the place we eventually chose. So we went for a visit, and we were sold. It was clean. It had a schedule we liked. It seemed like a great fit.

Without getting into too much detail, or throwing anybody under the bus, the day care was not the right place for us. All my vibes were screaming to get my sweet boy out of there. Things were not as they were painted to be. And because God was listening, he led us to the path we were intended to take. Our original plan for care was available full time, without coincidence, on the night before day care was to begin. Every instinct told me this was where we were supposed to be. And it’s what I wanted in the first place.πŸ’™ I feel like Clayton getting sick was a blessing in disguise and spending the last two days with him reassured me that our decision to go to an in home day care is what is best for him and my heart.

To all my mamas who feel like they are anxious and worried, to all my mamas who are told they worry too much…don’t let anyone tell you your instincts are wrong. Don’t let anyone ever make you feel ashamed of the way you care for your baby. That intuition, that gut wrenching pull on our hearts, that is how we keep our babies safe. 

NJ Marathon Training–Week Four Recap

Week four, week four, you were everything and more. Runs were cut slightly shorter. Runs were split up and messy. Runs were swapped around to make it work. But at the end of the week, week four was pretty darn good to me.

I woke up mad early Monday morning to test out what life will be like as a working mama. 😭 I was able to feed the babe, get him back to sleep, crank out a half hour of riding, shower and leave for daycare all in good timing. I even made it to school with time to spare, meaning I could leave later. Yeahhh! πŸ™Œ Now let’s all take bets on whether or not I wake up tomorrow and crush it…..

Tuesday was a little backwards, and I had appointments, so the easy 50 on schedule didn’t happen until the evening and Mr. CT was done playing around 45 minutes, but I took it and ran with it, because usually I get 20//30 minutes tops. I was super proud of him for being able to play independently and enjoy himself. πŸ’™ 

Wednesday I was able to sneak in a longer(ish) ride, before it was back to mommy duties. I was definitely feeling fatigued this day, but managed to get in 14 miles. And then took a stroll in the long awaited sunshine that finally decided to make its appearance. This week was a windy one, but I’ll take windy and sunshine any day of over windy and snowy or rainy!!πŸ™Œ 

I’ve been trying to promise myself to do yoga at least twice a week, preferably more. And Wednesday was the night to make it happen. 

Thursday was a split run day. I knew I wanted to take advantage of the warmer temps and sunshine to do a stroller run with boogs, but his track record for lasting over a half hour is barely a tally mark. So I did half, during his morning nap, on the treadmill and we finished it up together outside. It was his first carrier free run. He makes sunglasses look good and hills a real challenge!!πŸ€—

But I love these runs and these moment with him. Stroller running really is my new favorite! And we were twinning with our jailbreaker stripes!!

I don’t usually ride on the same day that I run, at least not during marathon training, but we finally got a second trainer and I was super excited to be able to ride next to my hubby. So we hit the pain cave for family workout night. I made it barely fifteen minutes before Clayton was done. I mean not a chance of changing his mind. But it was fun while it lasted, and I’m definitely looking forward to being pushed to my limits when we ride together. He’s freaking fast!!!πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ

Friday was glorious in all of its rest day shenanigans. I enjoyed every minute of being lazy and cuddling my boy. I was able to squeeze in a very interrupted yoga session that night though!!πŸ’•

Saturday was long run day, because I wanted today to be all about Clayton and really preparing myself for going back to work. The hubs had to work all day, so I had to get my butt out there as soon as the sun came up. I took it to the hills again and was proud of myself for only needing to stop once and making it further than the last attempt. 

I wanted to finish my long run during the Mr’s nap time, but he apparently didn’t want an afternoon nap. So I started while he played and without fail, he wanted to go 30 minutes into it. So we stopped, he ate, and he fought hard to go down. But once he did, I finished it out and was ready to move on. It’s not easy breaking up your long runs, and it’s definitely not easy to have to stop in the middle of a run, but as relentless as my child is about sleeling, I am about finishing this training the way it was made to be. 

And here we are today.  I took this Sunday to unplug and spend every moment I possibly could with my little man. It was the best Sunday in a long time. I was lazy, yet productive. I didn’t feel compelled to check my phone or respond to a million people. I stayed in my pajamas until I changed for my recovery run. I watched Frozen for the first time all the way through, while my sweet boy took his afternoon nap on my lap.

We laughed. We played. We laughed some more. Clayton is all about laughing lately. It’s the best. He cried ((tooth number two is cutting)), he was extra cuddly and it was just what I wanted. He spent most of the day in my arms and I loved every minute. I meal prepped. And eventually, I did my 30 easy recovery miles.

I didn’t cry once today, or this week. Well maybe for a hot couple minutes while the song In My Arms, by Plumb came on the radio.πŸ’• But I really gave my fears and worries to God this week. I put all my focus into my workouts and my time with Clayton. Tomorrow will probably be a different story, but for now, I am at peace. I’ve got my sleeping boy by my side. I finished another week of training. And what will be this coming week, will be.

I ended this week with 27.7 running miles, and 28.6 cycling miles. My heart is full. My legs are tired. And I think I’m ready to tackle being a working mom and training. We can do hard things. I say it every day. πŸ€—πŸ’•

Marathon Training Week Three-Recap

This week brought what I would call some setbacks, but mostly just a bunch of emotional baggage. I ended last week’s training on such a mental high, that when I woke up Monday morning feeling completely drained, I was a little bummed. But that didn’t stop me from getting my butt on that bike and completing a 45 minute recovery ride. 

It was my slowest and shortest ride of this training cycle, but it came with its own set of bumpy pebbles along the way, in the form of a teething, tired baby, who wanted to be by his mama 24/7. So when I did finally get him asleep, it was 20 minutes later that he was back to needing me. My ride basically went, get on, pedal for a hot minute, go love on the baby, get back on, pedal it out, run back up stairs and repeat. I guess he was making sure I took the recovery part seriously!!πŸ’•

As a means to make him happy, and change his scenery up, maybe distracting him from his teeth pain, we went for an afternoon walk. Well, you can see how that turned out!!πŸ€—

But the sights were pretty && it made one of us happy!!πŸ’•

Tuesday morning was still a funky day for me, at least in the morning. The plan called for an easy 50, which is usually so easy, it’s boring. But this time, it was hard. I was tired. It took a lot of effort. And little man was still having a rough time with his teethers ((it finally came through and it was the best thing to find)). Anyways, so his cute butt wasn’t napping long again and when he woke up, I was experiencing quite the spike in HR and feeling dizzy, so calling it at 30 was fine by me. 

That alleged rain was actually legit, so no afternoon adventures with my boy were to be had, but I did get in the rest of my run. Way too fast, and totally not part of the plan, but I was feeling the need for speed. I’m terrible at following directions anyways, and I’m sure that will come back to bite me in the arse one day, but it felt good and so much better than whatever that was in the morning. And my little best friend played away on his new play mat in the pain cave.😍

When daddy got home, we had family workout night, he mostly did the working out, I did some yoga && played upside down, nailing my longest handstand PP!!

Wednesday was much better, for me at least. Little man, not so much. My ride was cut short by five minutes due to another sleepless baby, but the speed was back and it felt right.  I will complete a ride in the near future with an average speed higher than 18.8 mph. I’m so close I can feel it. πŸ’™

The rain and yuck continued to bless us with its presence, so we couldn’t get outside again. Ughhhh. But I did take advantage of the afternoon in, and work on my yoga flows. I don’t think I completed one HIIT workout this week, but yoga was something I needed more, both mentally && physically, and I don’t regret skipping those workouts one bit. 

Ohhhh Thursday you ugly day you. This was the day I about had an anxiety attack thinking about sending my babes to daycare. Anyways, woke up and killed my first interval run of the cycle. It felt amazing to move my legs at the speed they’ve been dying to go. And to finish the run at my goal marathon pace. πŸ™ŒπŸŽ‰

After my run, little man and I made a visit to daycare and it was the first time I had some mommy radar buzzing. It’s a great place, and this is nothing against them. It was more a realization that my boy isn’t ready for the older infant room. He was getting eaten alive by the babes who could crawl and walk, and the idea of leaving him in a situation where he doesn’t even understand what it means to defend himself hit hard. Real hard. Like uncontrollable crying hard. But the director is great, and she recognized the difference too and immediately said he’d start in the younger room with kids closer to his age and speed. So that helped, but oh my goodness I could not stop myself from being so upset the rest of the day. I cried so much I had permanent puffy eyes and wanted to go to bed at 6!πŸ˜‚ I took advantage of how exhausted day care visits make Clayton, and calmed my mind with another fun yoga flow, before my boy decided he needed to join me.

Friday was a complete rest day. I did nothing. I needed it. Clayton needed it. We unplugged for most of the day and just played, tried new foods, and cuddled. Sometimes I forget how important rest days are for the body and soul. We even had friends come over for pizza and crantinis && soaked up every moment of nothingness.πŸ’•

Saturday’s views brought to you by one massive mountain climb that trashed my quads and hurt so good. Have I ever mentioned that I love where we live?!πŸ™ŒπŸ’™

The schedule called for an easy 30, that ended up being in the called for pace, but was more challenging than my usual treadmill run or flat course. It was worth every huff and puff and sore quads the next day.

Do you see that ugly weather? I was still hanging around. It’s like we live in Pittsburgh.πŸ˜‚ Anyways, it wasn’t raining and it was drastically warmer then usual, so I took my boy to do his favorite thing. It was good for the both of us.

I sure will miss being able to do these afternoon walks with him. πŸ’™

Oh Sunday, you long run day you. Sleep training hasn’t been the worst, but it hasn’t been the best either. I didn’t get much sleep Saturday night and woke up totally wanting to skip this run, or cut it short, but I knew if I didn’t do it, I’d be mad at myself for the entire training cycle. So I had my coffee && toast with almond butter and banana and got dressed. Oh my lordy did I overdress. It was weird though if I must defend myself. It was chilly, and wet, but humid as all get up, which I didn’t notice until I was sweating three miles into my run and wanting to die. And can we talk about the fog?! I was planning on doing my run on the trails, but read in the paper recently about a man attacked by coyotes and was like ehhhhh, maybe I won’t. Plus, add the crazy fog && I whimped out like a scaredy cat.

So I took it to the farmland and made a stop with these beauties while debating on leaving my vest on the fence to drive back and get later, but then I knew I wouldn’t want to do that, so I continued on. I mean even my shoes were soaked from the humidity. So strange. 

When I made it back to my car, my legs were toasted. Dunzo. They weren’t going to go another step. I wanted to be upset about it, but then realized it was the first run ((well second if you count the mountain I ran on Saturday)) with hills. I’ve been solely training on the treadmill because of the baby or on a flat loop by our house. But I ventured into the unknown, tackling rolling hills and was completely content with how I finished. Eleven miles is eleven more than I wouldn’t have gotten had I skipped the run or cut it short. And I felt good about the pace. I followed directions and stayed within the designated paces. Win/win.

I might’ve started this week off not feeling it, and almost ended it that way too, but I.am resilient. I fight on and today’s run left me feeling free. Free from the fears I acquired during the week, and free from the pressures of trying to do it all, all the time. 

I ended the week with 28.5 running miles, 24 cycling miles, a whole lotta feet climbed, and miles accomplished with my boy on our walks. πŸ€—πŸ‘

Smiles, cuddles, miles, happy hearts; So long week three, hello week four. My last week of training as a stay at home mommy. πŸ’œ

Why is it so Hard?

Unfortunately my time to be a stay at home mommy has come to an end, well almost. I get one more week to cuddle, laugh, read, play, and soak up every ounce of my sweet boy, before I must return to work.

I knew it was going to be hard, but I wasn’t expecting it to be this painful and scary. My heart feels like it’s being shattered into a million pieces. I cry at the drop of a single mention of  the word day care. I cry when I talk about our visits. I cry at our visits. And now I feel terrible for any moment I ever got upset at him or frustrated with a situation. I wish more than anything that I could be a stay at home mommy forever, well at least until he was in school, but I can’t. It’s no one’s fault, it’s the reality of life these days. For those that can, count your blessings.

For seven months it was just Clayton and I, I and Clayton. Every minute of every day. Every tear, every laugh, every first, every smile, every milestone, every page turned in his favorite books. They were all mine. And now, as I’m crying all over again, those everyday emotions && experiences are going to be at the hands of someone else. Someone whose not me. Someone who isn’t going to wipe away his tears, or rub his head just so to get him to sleep. Someone who doesn’t take him for his favorite walks, or read him his favorite story. I’m his one and only mommy. No one can love him the way that I do, and that’s what scares me the most. It is so painfully hard to accept the reality of this upcoming event. 

The closer it gets, the more emotional I get. We’ve been visiting day care every other day and at different times to learn their routine, and every time, without fail, I cry. Half the time I don’t even know why I’m crying. They laugh and say it’ll get better, it’ll be okay. He will be okay. And I know this. He won’t even remember this. But I will. It’s so hard not to worry, not to stress out about every little detail of his day, and not to feel like I’m abandoning him to complete strangers. Ughhhh! *Stop crying Tanya!!**

I’m afraid of missing out on his other firsts and big milestones that have yet to come. I’m afraid of how he’s going to feel when I leave him or when I’m not there when he gets upset or wakes up from a nap. I’m worried about this change completely changing his awesome personality or the way that he loves me. Gahhhh this sucks to write, and I can’t even see the screen anymore. I just want it to be Clayton and mommy, mommy and Clayton, FOREVER. πŸ’•

How did you get over the pain and fear? I think I’m a lost cause at this point. πŸ™

NJ Marathon Training–Week Two Recap

Week Two? Already? I’m feeling stronger && more confident with each workout. But can I just be real for a hot second && say how hard it is to run all of these runs at an EASY, slower pace? It kills me. My muscles, my mind, my patience haha, but I know it’s going to help me work that much harder in this next week and the weeks to follow, leading up to the big day. πŸ™Œ

W2D1- Easy 45 recovery ride on the trainer. I’ve been really trying to focus on HR for these recovery days//all of the Easy runs.  I managed to keep it in zone three for the entire ride, which is awesome given my endurance on the bike is far from  what it is when running. Anyways, this was the ride that my child decided to scare the crap out of me and lie face down, for what seemed like forever, without moving. And those darn monitors don’t really let you see the details that are important, like you know, breathing and whether or not they have a nostril free. So I jumped off in a panic to run up two flights of stairs, and if you’ve ever ridden a bike for awhile, you know it’s hard to just walk like a normal person, and I had my clips on, so it was all a hot mess. But alas, he was fine and sleeping like a gem. 

Well that sleeping beauty of mine didn’t maintain his composure so well for the HIIT workout I tried to get through that evening. He about lost his marbles because I wasn’t looking at him every second. But you do what you have to do as a mom and make it happen the best way you can. Secret tip: involve them in the exercises when possible && end it with piggy back rides. It always works!!πŸ€— 

I mean just look at that face. He’s definitely a trouble maker who works the string he has wrapped around my finger!!πŸ’•πŸ’•

W2D2- Easy 50 mins (9:23-10:27) that I took too fast. Did I mention it’s a struggle for me to stay in between those paces? No drama or fun story for this run, other than I hit some nice negative splits for the first time this training cycle. ||9:16-9:13-9:12-9:03-8:55-4:27||5.5 miles//9:07 avg|| πŸ™Œ And I got to rock out with my socks out!β™₯

The wings are the best! 

I see a really big sweat circle on my belly, because I may or may not always use the same spot to wipe it off my face!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Later that night was family workout night and I did some fun core work and made my poor child do it too! But he needs to work on tummy time per doctor’s orders, so why not show him it’s okay, because mommy does it too!!😍

And I’m a huge fan of ending every workout with a kiss!!πŸ˜—


W2D3- Easy 45 on the trainer, that ended up being one I definitely didn’t take easy, even though it felt easy!! Oops!! And it was the one that was super eventful, because I took a mighty fine spill, but somehow came out without a scratch, a dent, or a concussion! God was watching over my stupid butt that day!! When in doubt, turn the tightening bolt one more time!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ 

I seriously don’t know how I walked away from this without a single injury. My right foot came out of the clips on its own as I fell, I didn’t hit my head on the treadmill, and I didn’t break my leg on the roller. Oh my goodness! πŸ™

But I was able to dust myself off and complete my speedwork like a boss. I nailed five miles at a 21+ average speed. That has never happened in my cycling career on the trainer. Woohoo!

And through all of that, this handsome dude slept long after my ride was complete!!πŸ’• 

We even got to go outside for a nice long walk and enjoy the views right outside our back yard!!πŸ’•

And ended the day with weight training && happy baby, literally!!πŸ’™


W2D4- Easy 60 (9:23-10:27) and I clearly don’t follow the rules, because I went too fast again!πŸ˜† I wanted so badly to make this run with Clayton, but the weather was having a tempertantrum about raining versus not raining every five minutes. 

I started this run with the little man awake because napping just wasn’t on his agenda for the morning, but it’s almost always guaranteed he’s ready by mile three, and what do you know, he was. So I had to take a break to get him down, but then it was smooth sailing to the finish. 6.58 miles in a 9:07 pace.

Decided to end the day doing something I hadn’t done in over a year, and swing that bell. Such an awesome total body workout!πŸ’•


W2D5- REST DAY, but didn’t really rest, just took it “easy”! Spent some time outside again, because that’s where our hearts are, all the time, and mother nature was kind enough to give us sunshine and warmer weather!

Baby wearing is so much fun, but can become a lot of work over time. It’s like being pregnant again, only double the weight. But the boy loves it so much and prefers it over riding in the stroller, so that is what we do. Plus I could never get sick of hearing him babble on and on and smile at every person we encounter. πŸ’™

And last but not least, hot yoga. I used to go EVERY Friday, and then that mole removal stuff messed me up, and then it was the holidays and then I don’t know, but it was so nice to get back to it. It’s so refreshing and awakens my body like nothing else. I mean literally, I am like so in tune with my body that I can’t fall asleep haha. It happens every time. It’s kind of scary, and I think I need to stop going before bed, but it’s like the perfect day to go with training. Does that happen to anyone else? Please tell me I’m not the only one!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚


W2D6- Easy 30 in the snow. My dad wanted to come this morning and watch Clayton for us while I ran and Chris rode, but we went to breakfast first and we all know running doesn’t happen after a big breakfast. So we walked with poppop instead, until my food was properly digested. 

When I first set out on my easy run, it had just started to snow, like nothing really, so I wasn’t too worried. But then it was really coming down, and laying, even though it wasn’t supposed to. It was bothering my eyes too and making it difficult to watch where I was stepping. But I made it the 30 minutes and had fun on the adventure.

I even got my new momentum wrap with my new favorite mantra!πŸ’•πŸ™Œ

At the end, it’s supposed to say, “it’s a choice”, but there wasn’t enough room for it all. But it’s so true. We don’t become better by accident, we work hard every day for our progress. We aren’t given strength as a gift, we earn it. And becoming faster doesn’t happen over night. It all goes hand in hand. Better, stronger, faster; it’s all a choice!β™₯


W2D7- Easy 90 Long Run that I ended up doing all on the treadmill. But it worked out. Clayton has been having trouble eating and sleeping and when that happens it’s hard. I couldn’t bring myself to leave daddy with him, even though he did a good job handling it all. I just felt better being close and the roads were a wet mess anyways. Plus, I got to get sweet smiles and kisses from my baby throughout the run.

If you know this verse, you know how well it plays into the role of running and our lives, at least for me it does. Running is a true test to our hearts and minds, but knowing he is there to guide us makes it all so much better!πŸ’•

These socks, though!!πŸ™Œ

While daddy was riding, we were walking. My little Eskimo needed the fresh air, and I needed to shakeout my legs. I am eating up the last days of freedom with my boy and the beautiful weather. 

Little ham bone.πŸ’™

Blue eyed babes.😍


Week 2 has been good to me, and I am looking forward to starting some interval training this week!!πŸ™Œ  The end totals look like this:

Running 25.1 miles

Cycling 26.3

Both were faster and stronger than last week and I’m feeling pretty unstoppable right now.

NJ Marathon Training– Week One Recap

The time has come; marathon training round two. It’s crazy to think I’m running another marathon. I can’t say I really enjoy that distance, but then again, I’ve only ran one && I was pregnant. 😁 BUT I can say that I fell in love with running during that first training cycle. I loved having a plan, something to work towards, something to challenge me. Running a marathon is no joke, but the training that goes into is without a doubt, the most challenging and fulfilling aspect of a marathon.

Running postpartum was//is hard. For the longest time, I no longer had that “in love” feeling with running. I hated that it was hard. I felt lost as to what to do. So I got the bright idea to sign up for another marathon. At first, I was terrified. Running with a baby is its own entity. It takes a lot of stop && go, missed runs, treadmill runs, creative approaches, or my favorite; stroller runs. Add on a month of no running, a new marathon plan, with a totally different approach, and the fear was overwhelming. But here we are, one week down and I feel alive. I feel excited. I feel ready to take things on as they come.

Week one//Day one called for an easy 50 minutes with a pace between 9:23 and 10:27. That’s like a minute difference. So I wasn’t really sure where to keep my pace. I struggled for a good two miles to figure out my stride at that pace && get myself into a smooth groove. Running slow on the treadmill is tough haha. I used to use treadmills for speed work, and now being a new mommy, the treadmill has become my best friend for most of my runs. πŸ’™

Week one//Day two was cross training//strength training. I was woken up by the babe at 4:30 in the morning, and he was kind enough to go back to bed right away, but I was already awake. So I hit the bike and pulled off a ride I was not expecting. It was fast((er)) than I anticipated && it felt amazing. I didn’t have to work too hard for it and had a lot more in me at the end. πŸ™Œ I had planned to do another workout this day as well, some HIIT, but we had Clayton’s six month check up, and well all I’m gonna say is shots. But I did get some stretching//yoga in that evening, while daddy cycled on the trainer && the little played.

Week one//Day three called for an easy 60 mins. And this run was all about being a mommy. We got a late start, but when we finally got out the door, it was cold, damp and I was freezing. Before we left, the sun was shining and the temps said 40’s. Lies, all lies. So anyways, this run lasted a hot 35 minutes before Clayton let the whole world know he was hungry. So we made it to the car, and fed the hangry boy. At that point, I was fine with finishing the rest on the treadmill later. But at least we got a pretty picture to capture training day three.

And can we talk about the dots on dots on dots? I’m a fan of runmatchyβ„’ runs!!πŸ’•πŸ€—

Once I fed the boy his dinner, daddy took over so I could finish out the last 25 minutes of my scheduled 60. It brought me to 6.35 miles for the day. Odd numbers drive me bonkers. But I’m learning to take them as they come.

Week one//day four was another cross training//strength training day. And this was the day the universe said heck to the no on morning workouts, but I gave it a go anyways. Let’s see, first, Clayton woke up at 3:00 ((sleep training probs)), and wasn’t about going back down. We tried and tried, and oh, we tried some more. Anyone wanna guess what time the stinker finally went down? 8:30am πŸ˜’. Yeah, he was up for 5.5 hours. So logically, I thought he’d take the longest nap ever. Nope. Not my child. Funny. Like 20 minutes later he was up and about playing in his crib, and let me manage to have another 15, to bring it to 35 minutes of rough cycling. It was slow. It was painful. I worked hard for every push. Maybe because I didn’t get sleep, and I didn’t eat, and I had my coffee hours before. But done and did, cross it off as complete. 

After the morning disaster that was had, I was feeling optimistic about the days HIIT workout && was relieved it went much better and felt amazing. I’ve decided to use the original Insanity workout mixed with my own shenanigans && some BBG as my strength training strategy. 

Week One//Day five was a much needed rest day. And it fell on one of the colder days of the week, so that was nice too. Clayton was getting antsy, and loves to get out of the house at least once a day, or maybe that’s me, but we’ll.say he does too. So we went for a quick and ridiculously cold walk around the neighborhood. 

Week one//day six//easy 30 and don’t ask me why this felt like the hardest of the week. It’s funny how that all works out sometimes.Woke up to a little snow, that quickly turned into a lot of snow and we had errands to run, so it was a later run on the mill, giving me 3.36. After that run, I was terrified of how the final long run would go.

Week one//day six// first long run of the cycle// easy 90 minutes. Well the temps weren’t ideal, because the wind was crazy, but I wasn’t about to start the long runs on the treadmill. Not when daddy’s home and not when there wasn’t anything stopping me. So I bundled up, drank some coffee, and off I went. There’s a loop by my house that’s about three miles long and all farmland. I figured three times around wasn’t bad, and I really enjoy the loop. No traffic. All the animals you’re heart could ever want to see, and so very peaceful. The first loop was a little rough. I was freezing, my toes were numb, the wind hurt my face. But by the time I made it around again, I was warmed up, and the wind seemed to die down. Then the last loop was crazy hard. The wind picked up immensely and I felt like I wasn’t going anywhere. But I made it back to the car exactly at 1 hour and 25 minutes and decided the other five minutes wasn’t worth it. So I got 9.17 miles in a 9:17 pace. Fun numbers.πŸ’• 

Week one brings me to a total of 24 running miles and 28 cycling miles. I feel good. I’m slowly learning to embrace the random numbers I’m ending with, and the slower pace. Another week like this one and then the intervals begin!!πŸ€— 

I’m excited about the work ahead and following this path of letting things happen as they do.πŸ’•

You’re a Runner When….

You lace up your sneaks && you go.

That is all there is to it. Β 


This has been a topic of many of my conversations lately && it is something that has become quite transparent across social media. Β Now don’t get me wrong, I love the running community, and the the people I have become friendly with. Β Most of you out there are genuine and real, and respect everyone for their own unique running abilities. Β BUT I’ve been noticing a trend of runners posts that solely focus on how great it is, or that they are, because they are “fast”, or that they bounced back from an injury//illness at the exact same place they were at before they had to stop running, or because they can run a million marathons in a year//back to back//every weekend ((kuddos to those of you who bust your butt to get to where you are)). This is not meant to bash anyone in any way. Β But there is so much Β more to running then being the best, unless Β of course it’s Β doing your best day in and day out. And there is definitely more to running than being able to “brag” about how great you are.

I’ve always considered myself a runner since I started this awesome hobby almost three years ago, but for a very long time in my running journey Β I didn’t consider myself a “good runner” and it is because of those very same posts I continue to see day in and day out, as mentioned above. Β It is because many runners on social media make other runners feel less of themselves because they boast about their abilities daily. Β Or they only engage with other runners who are just as fast as them, or run marathon after marathon. Β But does that really make them a “good runner”?Β  What is a good runner? Β Is a good runner fast? Β Is a good runner young? Β Is a good runner experienced with years of running? Β Is a good runner someone who has thousands of followers? Is there really such a thing as a “good runner” anyways?

Aren’t we all good runners, because we simply love to run? Β When I first started documenting my running journey on IG, I was embarrassed to post because of the overwhelming amount of people on there who were “better”than me. But as I continued to run, and continued to share my story, I became more confident in my abilities. Β I still wasn’t fast, and I could barely make it past a 5k distance, but I was feeling better and better with each run and I was making connections with people who only inspired me to continue doing my best. Β That is what it is all about folks. WE ARE ALL RUNNERS, because we love to run and we love to share that love with others.

So here I am writing this to remind those runners Β who are questioning themselves and their abilities that if you love running, you are a runner. If you step out the door, you are a runner. If it’s your first run, or your millionth run, you my friend, are a runner. If you run for pleasure or you run for competition, you are just as equally a runner. Don’t ever let the mass array of media posts swooning over how fast people are, and how many marathons they run, ever deter you from thinking you are not worthy of being a runner. Whether you run half a mile or run ultras, whether you run without stopping or you run taking walk breaks, whether you are fast or not as fast, whether you are coming off of an injury, or maybe you just had a baby ( =] ), Β MILES ARE MILES. You are putting one foot in front of the other and pounding the pavement. Β That’s the nice thing about running. It’s yours && yours alone. I said this the other day, and I am going to say it again. Β Running is a special kind of love. Β It is a one of a kind, totally unique, make your heart happy kind of love. Β It will never leave you, fail you, or desert you, until you decide you no longer want it. Β  ❀